0Pitch Perfect eNgilandi Udinga Sterner Test

Ngakho isivivinyo lokuqala ihlobo siphelile. Wenze kahle eNgilandi ukunqoba lokho Ubeyindoda umdlalo zabantu ngokumelene abafana.

Sri Lanka kukhona, ukusebenzisa leso avame touted umsindo-bite, iqembu e "inguquko" futhi umfana wayengazi ke ukukhombisa. Kumele kukhunjulwe, Nokho, ukuthi baqhubeka oqinile England batting umugqa kuze tad ngaphansi 300 uphawu - futhi ingxenye yalezo iphelela zazivela kakhulu Jonny Bairstow. Alex Hales benza kahle kakhulu nge ongqongqoza ehloniphekile futhi kumele ukukhahlela yena akazange siguqulwa ton. Ukube kwakungengenxa yalesi labo ezimbili kungenzeka kakhudlwana run into. Ngeke sazi.

Ngoba ngokushesha nje lapho u-Anderson no-Broad bephethe inhlamvu yesikhumba ebomvu ezandleni zabo ukubhala bekusekhasini lewebhu. Sri Lanka akazange ame ithuba. Futhi ngubani oqagele ukuthi lokhu kushintshana ngemikhawulo emibili okusheshayo kungaletha imiphumela esheshayo enjalo! (Note sar­casm – surely they must have thought about try­ing such ‘black magic’ previously!!)

Kodwa kukhona iphuzu seNingizimu neAfrika lapha - a XI izwe ngabe balwisana ngalolo pitch, kulezo zimo, ngokumelene nalabo abaphosayo. Kukhona impikiswano eqinile ethi akukaze kube nokubhanqa okungcono kunoBroad no-Anderson lapho izinto zikhona lapho zivuna khona. Umdlalo ubungeke uhlale ngaphezu kwezinsuku ezintathu - futhi yilokho okungicasulayo njengomlandeli wekhilikithi. Ngiye ngalahlekelwa izinsuku ezimbili mdlalo best in the world. My TV record­ing box which is set to record the high­lights on series link has instead been infes­ted with day-time TV rubbish.

Uma ngicindezelwe kancane kuthiwani ngezindawo zokubala zobhontshisi eHeadingley? Izinsuku ezimbili lapho, esikhundleni sezinkulungwane zamaphenti weBlack Sheep ebabayo idliwa abalandeli abanesibindi abafihle inyoka kabhiya kubaphathi abaphatheke kabi, bathole izihlalo kuqala azinalutho. (Ngabe ukhona owabona inyoka yokuqala yehlobo ngendlela? Kwaba ubuhle ngokuphelele). Awekho ama-pasties noma ama-burger anentengo ephezulu ayadliwa noma. Futhi i-Boycott Bingo imemori ekude nje. Kubiza kakhulu ukuthola indawo yokulinganisa umdlalo wokulinganisa nokuyigcina lapho - imali edinga ukubuyiselwa. Izinsuku ezintathu ngeke zisize ibhalansi yasebhange kakhulu!

Futhi akubona nje kuphela abesilisa nabesifazane abashiya imali abasala nezikhwama ezimbalwa eziphuma ephaketheni. Abalandeli nabo bayahlupheka. Kulungile labo ababenamathikithi osuku lwesine nohlanu bathola imbuyiselo kepha abantu abaningi bazobe sebethathe usuku lokuya emsebenzini, abanye bazobe bebhukhe amahhotela noma benze ezinye izibopho zezezimali. Kulungile uma unekhilikithi yosuku okufanele uyibukele - kepha akekho ofuna ukuhlala eLeeds ngaphandle kokuthi abe nesizathu esizwakalayo.

Kungenzeka yini kungabi ngumqondo ongcono ukulungisa iphimbo elinikela kancane kuwo wonke umuntu? Ithrekhi yokushaya ehloniphekile lapho uma ubeka ikhanda lakho phansi futhi ubonise inqubo enhle uzothola ama-runs kepha kukhona ongakuthanda i-bowler? Ziyini izindaba eziphambili zalo mdlalo? Okubanzi no-Anderson bangakwazi ukugeza kahle igazi - akukho sh * t Sherlock. Akekho ofuna iNgilandi ifane ne-India yakudala - ikhaya elikhanyayo, okwethusayo - kepha uma abafana beqhubeka nokuba nobuso obufana noHeadingley lapho-ke leyo yingozi esiba nayo.

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Ngangicwiliswa ukuzwa ngokudlula emhlabeni komhlaziyi omkhulu we-TMS, UWinston Anthony Lloyd “Tony” Cozier. Intambo yakhe yaseBarbadian yangigcina ngijabulisa kaningi futhi uzokhunjulwa kakhulu - i-gent yeqiniso ngaphakathi nangaphandle kwenkundla. Cheerio Tony, siyabonga the ride.

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Wenze kahle uChris Woakes ngokuthatha ama-9-ores ukumaka ukubizelwa ohlangothini lwaseNgilandi. Ngisazokholiseka ukuthi angayigqekeza ezingeni eliphakeme futhi njengoba kusikiselwe ngenhla ngisho nesikhwama esigcwele isikhumba ngokumelene neSri Lanka sizonginyakazisa kancane. Iphinde iveze ubuthakathaka ebhalansi yohlangothi lwaseNgilandi uma uBen Stokes engatholakali. Kodwa okungcono kakhulu kweBrithani kuMnu Woakes - ukusebenza kahle kungaqinisa kuphela icala lakhe.